And now, even the sweetest holiday moments have been tinged with sadness.
Last Friday morning, we sat in the big sanctuary to watch Will's daycare class in a Christmas program. He & his 3 year old class sang Christmas Bells, and the song that always makes me tear up when I hear the children sing it: Happy Birthday Jesus. The 4 year old class had a bigger production that told the whole story of Jesus' birth, with an emphasis on the message that the angels told everyone from Mary to Joseph to the shepherds....Be Not Afraid! With their hands on their hips & little fingers wagging in the air, they sang out loud, "Fear not! Feat not! Don't be scared!!" It was a wonderful production that these children had been taught with love by their dedicated teachers. After it was over, it was still several hours before I turned on the TV. It was only then that I heard the news. That morning, about the same time that kids in Bossier City were singing "Fear Not!" another group of children, barely older than them, in a small town in Connecticut, were enduring a nightmare.
Ever since, I keep thinking about the feelings that the parents, grandparents, siblings, and all the families and friends of all those killed must be going through. I don't know how you survive that kind of pain. God's grace is the only thing to explain how you can.
Monday morning I got the news of another death. A dear friend of mine and former co-worker lost her daughter-in-law in a car wreck on Saturday. She was driving over the Mississippi River bridge that links Natchez, MS to Louisiana. She was only 36. My friend, her family, and most especially, her son (the young woman's husband) are grieving greatly right now. More people who are weighing heavily on my heart.
A few weeks ago, Ben's teacher had sent home a request that any of her kindergartner's family members were invited to come to class to read a Christmas book to the kids during this last week before the Christmas break begins. I signed up right away. When I arrived at the small neighborhood school, I noticed that there were a few changes made since the week before. There was a man stationed outside. He requested that I sign in at the office before proceeding to Ben's classroom. I know it's always been policy, but not always strictly adhered to. Wearing my visitor's badge, I left the office & went to the classroom to find that the door was locked. More safety precautions. Another reminder.
So I sat down in front of the children, around 20 of them. They sat on the carpet & after the teacher introduced me as "Ben's GrandMartha" they listened to me read. I had time for 3 books. I read A Wish to be A Christmas Tree, Room for a Little One, and Song of the Stars. The children were so well-behaved (thanks to the most dedicated, loving wonderful teacher you could ever imagine!) What a blessing it was for me! I thought about that other group of about 20 kids, of the same ages, sharing many of the same names (most especially, Benjamin) who will not be in their school or with their families celebrating Christmas or Hanukkah this year. But I kept my mind on the words I read and the kids in front of me & got through it. I had wondered about whether it was okay to read a Christian book. The teacher told me that she can't read a book about Jesus at Christmas, but that those coming in to read can. The children ooohed over the beautiful picture of Baby Jesus at the end of Song of the Stars.
Today, when I went back to the school to pick up Ben, as I do every day, there were changes I noticed from the carpool lane. There was a woman wearing a shirt that said SECURITY in large letters on her back. As far as I could tell she was armed only with a walkie talkie. And there was one of the Watch D.O.G.S. there. (Dads of Great Students, who are dads and granddads who take turns keeping watch outside.) School is going to go on in Shreveport. In America. We make changes, we give extra hugs and say extra prayers.
We'll celebrate Christmas this year. Even if I didn't put up my tree. It will be bittersweet because of all the hurting that I know so many are going to be going through this year. But in my heart I'll think of the children singing:
Happy Birthday Jesus
I'm so glad it's Christmas
All the tinsel and lights
and the presents are nice.
But the Real Gift is You.
Merry Christmas to All my Friends and Family
